I adore my daughter. She's cute and funny. She learns new things every day and she is, for the most part, fun to be with. But, I have a confession to make.
I want more than being just a mom.
It feels terrible to even think about. How can I not want to spend every moment of every day with my darling daughter? The terrible, ugly truth is this: I miss being a grown up. While I love singing songs and doing silly dances with Rania, I miss getting dressed in the morning and going to work. I miss meetings and writing reports. I miss that satisfying feeling of knowing I improved someone's life in a small way.
I know being a working mom will be difficult, even if I work only part time. I barely find the time during the day to finish my lengthy to-do list as it is. How will I get everything done with only half the time?
I'm incredibly lucky. I have a loving husband and great friends, who are also wonderful moms of little ones themselves. I also have an amazing daughter, who is the light of my life. Why isn't that enough?
Anyone else out there feeling the same way?
I want more than being just a mom.
It feels terrible to even think about. How can I not want to spend every moment of every day with my darling daughter? The terrible, ugly truth is this: I miss being a grown up. While I love singing songs and doing silly dances with Rania, I miss getting dressed in the morning and going to work. I miss meetings and writing reports. I miss that satisfying feeling of knowing I improved someone's life in a small way.
I know being a working mom will be difficult, even if I work only part time. I barely find the time during the day to finish my lengthy to-do list as it is. How will I get everything done with only half the time?
I'm incredibly lucky. I have a loving husband and great friends, who are also wonderful moms of little ones themselves. I also have an amazing daughter, who is the light of my life. Why isn't that enough?
Anyone else out there feeling the same way?
When I was in college, I was going to be an astronaut. I was going to have a career and I was going to make a difference in this world. Then I got married and had a baby. That is when I realized that being a full time mom is a job. Infact, this job is harder than any job anyone can do. Can it get annoying at times...yes. Do I want to pull all my hair out at times instead of hearing my kids fuss for the millionth time about something..absolutely yes. But at the end of the day, once I get them off to bed, the realization always comes to me that I made a difference today in the life of the most important people in the world: My Children. I was there for every bobo, every spit up, every mess and yes..every hug, kiss and those amazing words, "Mama you are the best mom in the whole wide world."
ReplyDeleteI am not saying that moms who choose to work are bad mothers. There are some wonderful women/moms that I am friends with who have careers. All I am saying is that your child will only be a baby once. The moments that you get to spend with her now cannot be replaced later on in life.
I dont know you all too well. But from what I have been told about you, whatever you choose to do, you will still be a great mother to your Princess Rania.
Jamila I can definitely understand what you are feeling here. I have a lot of friends who started of determined to be SAHM but then they felt like you and took full time or part time jobs. It's a bit isolating to be at home all day and its not easy especially when you've got the degrees and worked hard to acheive them and enjoyed your job. Whatever ou decide to do, promise me one thing: do not feel guilty about your choice. Your daughter needs a happy mama and if you are happy and fulfilled with working too- then you do that.
ReplyDeleteAs for me, I am fine being at home because I am also always working on my writing and so the creative pursuit though not paying as of yet, is keeping me fuilfilled. Did I not have that, I'm not sure what I would do. I do worry, like you, that by working, you're adding on one more thing to do, when all the other things are still on your plate.
A complicated question but you will do the right thing I know!
Thanks for the insight ladies! It's funny because I told everyone when I first had Rania that I would go back to work at 1 year. I didn't realize how hard it would be!
ReplyDeleteWhile being a mom to an almost 1 year old (omg!) is a full time job (like Sahar said), I would like to use my degrees I worked so hard for. lol. After much thought, I'm in no rush to return but I will look and apply for jobs that work for me (part time, near by, daycare on site or nearby for Rania, etc). Thanks for all the love ladies. :)
Well it is indeed a hard decision. I think Aisha put it well: Whatever makes you happy. If you believe that neither of the choices are perfect, then pick the one that makes you happier - I'm with you.
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